One of my favourite features on the site (and one that they rarely do these days, unfortunately) is called Random Rules. Basically an AV staffer will hook up with some sort of culture producer and they talk about a number of songs on said producer's iPod. I really like that idea, and in the spirit of getting a little creative, I'm going to interview myself as I explore my iPod.
1. 50 Cent feat. Justin Timberlake - Ayo Technology
I have this on my iPod because it makes me realize that for any amount of money, Justin Timberlake will say whatever the fuck you want him to. 'I'm tired of using technology/why don't you sit down on top of me'? What the fuck does that mean? Is he a fucking Luddite who suddenly decides that he must procreate at all costs? The beat's pretty good, the entire song is whack. If memory serves correctly, the music video has 50 either pointing a sniper rifle or having a sniper rifle pointed at him.
So you've seen the music video?
Well yeah. Someone sinks enough money into a product and I need to watch it. It's like a train wreck. Television in Canada actually shows music videos too, it's pretty fucked how we're progressive like that.
2. The Beatles - I Am The Walrus
This song, for some reason, doesn't appeal to me. Kookookafuckyou, to quote Chkchkchk. It's a piece of psychedelic garbage. I appreciate the production and Lennon's crazy vocal stylings, like he's calling in from an amped-up telephone. The orchestration's nice too, but fuck. Overrated.
Does that mean you think the Beatles, as a whole, are over-rated?
To be quite honest with you, yes. There's so much hit-and-miss going on because they were too deep into the drugs to actually pull their heads back and realize what a good song entails, once in a while.
That's gonna cause some controversy.
Yeah, but then again, I have like 400 Cure songs on this thing, so who the fuck cares what I have to say. My opinion is invalidated. I do love their innovative production ideas, though.
Robert Smith vs John Lennon - Who wins?
Well it depends on the arena. Are we talking street fight? Because if so then I think Robert just because his hair has been sprayed so much with chemicals that it acts like a natural helmet. It's also its own habitat. Birds and small children roam free inside. If it's in a musical arena, I think Lennon would win, just because he meanders less and is more consistent when it counts. Smith loves the delay pedal a bit too much.
3. Faith No More - Everything's Ruined
I don't suck on the dick like many people do when it comes to Mike Patton. I like his delivery in the song, I love the fact that the bass is prominent, I also enjoy the fact that the guitars are kinda layered in back and huge. And I honestly do enjoy Patton's singing and talking, he reminds me of a hobo asking me for change and then busting out in a full-scale Broadway production. Shit's always awesome and unexpected to hear and see. I would've loved to see them live before they started sucking by all accounts, which was like mid '97.
Do you enjoy any other of Patton's projects?
I bought Mr. Bungle's Disco Volante and I use it to scare my cats out of the back of closets when needed. I enjoyed his Peeping Tom project a lot, and I think all of the Fantomas records have their own moments that I find really neat. Tomahawk's newest release is just too fucking weird for me to care about, even though I've tried a few times. I kinda want Patton to start doing radio drama, I feel like his cult of personality could really bring the concept back in a big way. Imagine Mike Patton solving crimes? It could guest star people like Henry Rollins (the voice of God), Trent Reznor (the whiny victims), Rick Rubin (the guy who discovers the body that triggers the investigation), Rick Wakeman (he'd be giving Mike Patton capes and advice), Rick Astley (he'll never give up on Mike), Rick James' voice (a cautionary tale about playing too much bass and doing too much cocaine), the guys from the Mars Volta (for "authentic exotic flavour"), Sean Penn could be made fun of on a weekly basis... It'd be the hippest thing since dropping 7"s in multiple colours.
4. Wintersleep - Caliber
I always thought of this band as the Canadian winter to The Tragically Hip's summer. Songs like "Caliber" have this heavy-handed drumming and production that's gritty and atmospheric. The lyrics to the song ('you keep your caliber loaded/no one's gonna fuck this up') are pretty harsh and straight-forward. Their two first albums are like slabs of 3 am goodness. "Sore", "Listen Listen (Listen)", "Avalanche"... All of those are songs I put on when I'm stuck on a bus overnight. They give me goosebumps in that they're haunting in a way I can barely describe with words that make sense when strung together.
Why do you think of the Hip as a "summer" band?
Songs like "Ahead By A Century" just make me think of backyards and children running through fields. It's got that nice, non-threatening acoustic guitar, whereas Wintersleep's is of a more pressing nature, as if they've got to spit venom but have never discovered the joy of dropping 8 bars on your arch-rival's ass.
5. Jay-Z - Izzo (H.O.V.A.) - MTV Unplugged
The Jay-Z Unplugged record is fantastic. It's got so much going on in so many ways that it's captivating. It's like listening to a Roots record (most of the band appears on it and ?uestlove orchestrated it, natch) with one of the best MCs ever, performed live. How many rap records can you claim to hear kick-ass windchimes? Jay's at the top of his game, and he actually does a great medley in the mid-section of the record that totally makes the record stand out, making this much more than a repackaged 'best of' that other lesser artists would have done. There's also some extended performances that stretch up to the 6 minute mark, but that's okay because it's so captivating. Jay trades in beats for beauty and it works out wonderfully. I can listen to this all the way through without hitting fast-forward once.
Do you celebrate all of Jay-Z's catalog?
Sure, to some degree. Dude has some great songs and some average ones. But therein lies the magic of Jay-Z: His average songs are actually better than certain rappers' entire discographies.
Anyone you'd like to name?
Sure. Rhymes with Ra Jule. Dude steals X's bark, sings hooks like he's seen a music sheet before and his thug life consists of Maury repeats. Real fucking tough, man. Oh yeah, whatever the fuck happened to Blackstreet? No diggity, no more place in the spotlight for you guys.
